the ornithogrinarium - Ψυχῆς ἰατρεῖον


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

my tea sucks

And it is raining.

perhaps if she'd explained that glycerine shit to me

I should have listened to my mom and become a biochemist. I would be a better, saner person if I were developing schizophrenia drugs that didn't cause retardation.

Monday, May 25, 2009

11am

My grandma just called to tell me there is a God.

YAHWEH

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

meanwhile

My tummy hurts. My kidneys ache and my intestines are clenching barely around what I haven't eaten. I'm biting back tears.

Monday, May 18, 2009

shedding tears for iphoto

My poor mac is brutalized and I may have busted it's hard drive mangling software agreements. I am ruined. My mac is ruined. My local network and my world are ruined. I want to crawl under a rock and die, and then gnaw off each of my limbs with my teeth and have them scattered over Egypt.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Friday, January 23, 2009

unexplainable weather

Today when I went out to catch the bus it was pouring rain... but only under the giant cedar and fir trees in the neighbourhood. Otherwise it was sunny and the pavement was dry. I couldn't figure out what was going on. As I walked tree after tree poured water on the ground below it. It probably had something to do with immense surface areas and melting, but still.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

my lovely new carp descendant

I got a new fish with a long white tail. I refer to her as 'she' because she is extremely beautiful and elegant. She also has lovely blue eyes. The little burgundy one chased her around at first, hoping for a new mother, and the new one nipped at everyone to assert her excellence, but I think they're all relaxing now.

I went to the pet store by the grocery store where I get coffee and bath salt that smells like a forest, where the fish didn't drive me to distraction with their diseases and their dying. They did, however, send me home with a leaking bag. Pet stores, get it together, you make me feel dirty. At least I didn't have to rescue anyone with an unsuitable personality (eyes fish that looks like a little clown).

Sunday, January 4, 2009

look!

TinEye:

“TinEye is a reverse image search engine. You can submit an image to TinEye to find out where it came from, how it is being used, if modified versions of the image exist, or to find higher resolution versions. TinEye is the first image search engine on the web to use image identification technology rather than keywords, metadata or watermarks.”

I was very excited to find my header image to be Grosse Pointe Michigan's central library, designed by Marcel Breuer (see also Breuer.org), 1949, here, via the library's digital archive which cites the photo as the main room circa 1980, which does not explain the clothing.

I have an Ikea chair shaped very much like the plywood one here. Oh.. and I loved the Whitney.

(via beautiful and depraved etc.)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

year in review


Dear Gentleman en route to Gatwick - Thank you for showing me how it's done. In the jump seat, with the stewardesses, cross country.

Dear X - I know you had a dream that one day you'd care for your elderly parents with video games. Let me just say, I am at a loss of words to describe noisy-breathing, compulsively throat-clearing old people demonstrating partial deafness, fiddling with a controller they have absolutely no concept of how to operate while a recorded voice berates them over and over for pathetic play. Except possibly to suggest you consider carefully similar, with the added intrigue of dementia and adult diapers.

Dear Jordan - I stand by what I said about your ethical crisis and "No Country for Old Men" as my greatest hit of 2008. I hope the job was good, and you're proud to wear your dad's belt.

Dear Jessie Jo - You have more friends than I've had in my life.

Dear Psychologist - I'm sorry for being an embarrassment. And for sucking. Thanks. Except for the mirroring. I hate it.

Dear CBC (The Hour, The National, DNTO, Q and things between), Mr Lapham, Cabinet and Acne Paper - Thank you for making my mainstream media-consuming time rewarding.

Dear D - Thank you for talking me down, several times. Your kids are lucky.

Dear Girl Least Likely To - I feel lucky to have gotten to know you some this year.

Dear Factory Supervisor - I believe that you make beautiful things, and that is an important thing to do.

Dear Super Editor - I hope one day I'm tougher. You are.

Dear Cats: This is for you.

prosecco for all

Happy New Year. Next year will be better.

Monday, December 29, 2008

zombie attack

I saw my former best friend's fiance walking in the snow. [ Deleted, the discourse beginning, He's a little bitch, okay?] A walking memory sort of thing that inspires in me fury as sincere as the desire to slit my own throat.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

ice cold

Boxing Day shopping was a success. I was nearly trampled by the crowd and left stranded in a snow back but I got a really good deal on sweater and tights, and I got boots (with a heel to stomp you under), which will make up for the tights (no one will know..) and of course aid my endeavor to look hotter in the new year.

Friday, December 26, 2008

my city by the sea


via FFFFound

Right now we've got snowdrifts shoulder high.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

maybe it was the solstice?

I finished my paper. Much gratitude to the girl least likely to and the super-editor.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

at the bottom of the shallow barrel

Lately the attempt to purchase clothes is inciting an identity crisis. Or, nothing is me, and I don't know what I'm supposed to wear then. This happens when I think of gray t-shirts. I doubt the need for further details.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

blank

I fear my brain may just not organize and reduce well enough to do history any more. The way they use logic seems all wrong, the road deconstructively collapsing behind the author. They ask questions and I can't tell how to answer them without plopping the whole of the course materials on the table in front of them. That's what I said when the prof asked.

Trying again, ten times simpler, with more collective nouns.

Sent draft off to super-editor, hoping it won't cause permanent damage to her soul. She changes three words and imparts directionality.

Considering titling the paper "FUCKED." In tribute to the super-editor's sass.

Friday, December 5, 2008

family dynamics

I wish I could have a more distant relationship with my mother rather than feel pressured to fill a gap in her life as a supportive close friend and an affirmation of her not-really a choice to be a mother. I'm not, or I don't, and instead I come out as a complicated kind of emotional failure.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

yikes

At Better Burn That Dress, Sister I am now listed as a feminist blogger, which, as despite the yippieness of personal recognition, is a designation I feel the immediate need to apologize for - something about ignorance and the ridiculousness, as someone put it, of female parts calling out to one another in the jungle night. Much more respectable I think is the project publishing reader thoughts on gender being assembled by Sarah at Genderfork, where some gorgeous things are being written.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

fairly normal

My psychologist has taught me to do things the easy way, to learn things without doing to much work, i.e. by letting him do the difficult conceptual work for me and then deciding on whether it works, or might work, or not. It's the great books version of cognitive behavioral therapy. I am sad that it seems things are almost done between us. I have difficulty viewing my relationship with doctors as a similar kind of negotiation as I do with family. Mostly because they judge harshly and many seem to stomp around inflicting psychic pain out of dumbness, ignoring what I say while shouting "WHAT DO YOU WANT." Does this kind of dramatization make me value my family and their suffering more? No, it does not. Partly, it makes me want to inflict violent death on myself as a way of blowing a hole in the daisy chain of cosmic order. That's a pleasing sentence for what I know many people feel on various levels. Partly I try to be aware enough to continue to insist on enough separation.

Monday, December 1, 2008

it's like

you had it all under control, and there it is, a starburst in front of you.

yes, i know, enough about the cat

When I get in bed at night, the cat climb on top of me and gives me eskimo kisses. Then she moves.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

psychic relief

Daniel Handler, the man behind Lemony Snicket plays accordian on the Magnetic Field's 69 Love Songs.

You can hear his accordian here, if you click on the one that says, "don't watch please."

computer talk with a luddite

So, my laptop is eight years old, still running Windows ME. I just fixed its power cord with a pair of tweezers, some nail scissors, and a bit of tape. When in doubt, ignore the father's advice - it will cause unnecessary financial burden, nearly get you fired even at his own company, etc. - in this case, as regards first the repair, then the use of glue, which would render the thing un-re-fixable. I don't want to spend $100 on a cord for a computer that is practically a pre-teen. I doubt I could find a store that sold one.

I like the old interface. Looking at new computers ("Let's see how many icons we can create! Francis Bacon? (b.1561) A pox on all your Windows!" ) I realized that I am nearly willing to spend an extra $500 for a Mac just for the cleaner look. Despite the fact I think MacTM is scum for all the repair problems I've heard about, including the "well known problem, $700 to replace," quoth Mac, with video cards causing pixelated lines to take over the screen of my parent's two-year-old iMac. Though people say stuff about Dell too.

Friday, November 28, 2008

they poured me an extra drink to go to class after 45

On my last day of class I went out for drinks with some people (everyone was invited) in my philosophy class. Once they were no longer feeling they needed to shout to be heard, or having to sit still, they were very kind and non-brittle. I returned from class to report that it was slow, while, buried in the criss-cross of conversations, the off-duty bartender and the prof expressed reservations about gender analysis involving looking at pornography. My liver is so over-processed, I felt a little empty not to be doing any fun watch-removing, staring, and expounding myself.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

fucking fuckwit

What are you talking about!?! Of course I have no idea how to do this!!!! How the fuck - how is it that all the classes I've taken have been completely fucking useless in preparing me to do ANYTHING, least of all write a stupid fucking four page "personal response" paper?!! I don't understand anything! I can't remember any of this! What happened to my steel trap memory? Why the fuck can't I do this? Jesus Fucking Christ what the fuck is wrong with me? I've been staring at this, and only this for days! I hate it i hate it i hate it! I cant even discuss it out loud! Why why why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[smash, bang, shatter]

Sunday, November 23, 2008

cont'd

I walked in the sun, for serotonin enhancing properties. I discussed giving up and not giving up with myself and took notes on relevant examples. I arranged financing for a winter coat that I can wear boots with and not look awkward. Now... boots. I thought about a new blog, unsullied by sexy illustration, where I'd learn to write (my identity as a child, when I was tall and ever out of place. I am Miz. Angst. You know I keep recreating the situation for the powers of invisibility imparted thereby). I save the missive typed by the cat while sitting on my keyboard. I imagine my favourite sexy libertine blogger doing something decidedly tame with me, making it all better. I took half a pill, to make me less cranky and to get myself back in my chair. I underlined in a library book, in pencil, and thought of my essay's outline, oh fuck, it's been too long and I do not want to deal with you any longer.