3 years ago
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Today I came home from visiting Sara (beautiful creature at left), looked around my bedroom and determined that I am approximately 100 pages in to seven different books. Two of them are fiction: The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing, and some Nicholson Baker ("supposedly erotic fiction") suggested by The Good Psychologist.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
... was wine, onion soup and pineapple pistachio tart. It rained, was sunny, spat hail on us, and rained again. I amused myself taking lots of pictures from the car... and trying to find the perfect blouse with white lace inset, one that did not cost 300$- you'd think I was asking for the world. Silly.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
If I told you I like reading you and you make me think, I mean it, and I send good wishes. I don't have a blogroll because I'm a nut case. If you already knew that, I'm sorry, it's probably because I've hurt you. And because no one has disabused me of the idea that I was harassed at work the last time around; it was fucking scary.
For me "nut case" felt like crushing guilt, cruel tricks, a pervasive sense of dread and fear of persecution. The uncharacteristic quality of these feelings was probably a factor in why I dealt with the situation so badly. I screamed, defensive, like it was the end of the world (mainly in writing, I shut down and shook like a leaf on the phone with the cops- though I did emphasize that I was referring to medical problems) and reality checked in black jokes. I fucked over a friend I love and lost another. I didn't say that it was her (as a member of her family's) stigmatizing attitude that I couldn't deal with, just that I was played out of indulging her need to be right before speaking for myself.
The precise etiology of the situation is somewhat unclear; as The Good Psychologist points out, the bad comes with the good and these things tend to all kinds of pervasiveness. For now I'm running, (a different kind of) scared, and I promise not to do it again.