the ornithogrinarium - Ψυχῆς ἰατρεῖον

Friday, December 5, 2008

family dynamics

I wish I could have a more distant relationship with my mother rather than feel pressured to fill a gap in her life as a supportive close friend and an affirmation of her not-really a choice to be a mother. I'm not, or I don't, and instead I come out as a complicated kind of emotional failure.


thesundaygap said...

Moms seem to go through this. Though not necessarily the judge-y part. You can always do what I did and recommend books on masturbation and self-love right before making a move across the country.

Wrenna said...

Perhaps it is time for me to move across the country again. I'm pleased it seems to be a life cycle thing on the mother's part. Alas I've grown up within earshot of the other people in the house having sex and look forward to good insulation at some point, in some small area of my life.

The judgey thing is mostly me, aware of how some people are all about their families in that way, and how I just think it would be super if she were to set greater limits on her worklife, be more assertive in her friendships, and go take some classes, since she seems to be the happy student of the family. Hopefully she would be occupied such that I wouldn't have to hear too much about it.

thesundaygap said...

I'm working on moving in to my very own space - insulation's definitely part of it, though I grew up in a hushed and sex-free environment.
Everyone needs a room of their own.
My only advice is to leave her be. Make your own space. Make friends with some older women, they're good people to have in your life. Schedule time with your mom in regular increments that you can handle and don't let the interaction bleed into the rest of your life.
AND, It's okay to "fail" if the expectations are outlandish and foisted upon you.

wow. apparently I have things to say on the subject. I guess it's advice, though I would prefer if it sounded more like well-intentioned musing. chin up!

Wrenna said...

Thanks. I think I decided that my space was necessary, without it being dependent on blaming her or my dad for anything, although I do here.